Occasionally I come across a chilli beer which allows all the enjoyment of the spice and refreshment that would normally come with a curry and half a dozen lagers in one punchy little bottle; And this week I was lucky enough to find a real winner! Sunshine Coast’s Chilli Beer is indicated as being ‘hot’ by the evil, jagged looking chilli on the front of the bottle, and the pointy, red lettering reinforces the idea that this might be a little bit vicious. And it does not disappoint at all!

Not only is this one of the more ferocious chilli beers I have had the pleasure of enduring, it is packed with flavour from a lovely smack of spice and gorgeously refreshing beer. For the connoisseur, that fiery capsaicin flavour associated with such demons as the scotch bonnets and birds eye chillies is immediately apparent, as is all the depth of character and subtle smokiness of good raw chillies or angry hot sauces. The beer itself is a pale ale brewed in Australia and infused with Queensland birds eye chillies. Each bottle comes with a big fat chilli bobbing in the neck for a little bit of extra style, and once poured into a long glass it tantalisingly floats at the top, begging to be eaten.

I have to say that enjoying at least a few mouthfuls of the delectable amber ale before chomping down on the little red bastard is a must, because afterwards a lot of the subtleties of flavour will be a little bit masked – because although the beer itself is full of heat, the chilli adds another component altogether. That being said, waiting until you’ve finished the beer will mean you aren’t able to enjoy the extra heat that the chilli will provide as you continue to drink down the beer, which will dance across the tongue the cast of the musical ‘Stomp’ but in bigger boots. So if you do wait until the end of your bottle to munch down on the vicious red bugger, I’m sure you’ll want to follow my lead and grab another one of these beers straight away!

Enjoyed at Chapel Street Cellars, Melbourne.

So when I saw a big cactus one day, covered with these delicious fruits which taste somewhere between watermelon and bubble gum, I was pleased at the chance to grab a few and strike back at this delicious weed, and do a bit for the native ecology. But I wasn’t the only one who had plans to striking out.

My first problem was the height of the cactus. The fruits were well out of reach, so I had to jump and grab. There are a few things I didn’t know about the prickly pear cactus which would have come in handy at this point. The first is that the pads are quite delicately attached to the bulk of the cactus, so if you try and pull a fruit that is still well attached you are liable to pull a branch covered with the things down on top of you. And the second thing I wasn’t aware of is that the little bastards have two types of spines on them. Each fruit might have a dozen visible spines like needles which are easily avoided, but they also have hundreds of hair-like spines which are so small they will cause hours of irritation over any part of exposed skin they come in to contact with. It was shortly after gathering a handful of them and sucking the sweet juice from my fingers that this last fact came into painful focus.

Imagine if you like, coming across a piece of wood covered in splinters and honey – and being too preoccupied with nature’s delicious natural sugars to stop and think before licking up the honey, splinters and all. At first it was a vaguely irritating sensation in my hands which I tried to remedy by finding all the little bastards and either plucking them out or more often snapping them off. Trying to dislodge those in the roof of my mouth with fingers still covered in the pesky needles seemed to be very counterproductive, and so eventually I resorted to donuts to flush the things through my system. Lots and lots of donuts.

So it was a couple of days before I felt an urge for sugary goodness which justified the inconvenience of the prickly fruits. But this time I was prepared! Using tongs (genius!) I held them over the gas burner on the hob and burnt all the little needles off. I imagined them screaming, in a fleeting moment of vindictive vengeance. And it was good. Cutting the skins off, and not being prickled once, I felt ready to enjoy the bright pink bounty staining the work top in front of me. So after a few quick samples, I threw the rest in a pot and cooked them up! I strained the juice after twenty minutes, added a heap of sugar, and cooked until it was too hot to continue stirring. When it gets hot enough, the sugar molecules change and then when the syrup cools it solidifies. So after a few minutes in the fridge, I had my first ever batch of prickly pear candy.

Vaguely pleasant to the taste, criminally dangerous to the teeth, and damaging to anything it came into contact with during the cooking process which wasn’t already pink. Probably easier to stick with chocolate.

Highlights:
- dozens of world class beers
- hearty main courses
- happy hours: 16:00-19:00 for drinks, 16:00-18:30 for food

Having recently moved to Melbourne my diary has been jam-packed with new bars, cafes and restaurants to try out. I wonder if I tried a different one for lunch and dinner every day whether I’d make it round them all before I struggled to fit through the doors, but that thought is not going to stop me from trying.

One of the cafes in Windsor that I have occasionally been dropping in to is the new Bohemia Cafe run by established head chef Viktor Sallay (Brighton Savoy Hotel, Hungarian kitchen at the Newmarket Hotel) and his business partner David Buchler. As with their other restaurant, Budapest restaurant and palinka bar, the aim of Bohemia is to deliver authentic Hungarian and European food and drink to the hungry and thirsty people of Melbourne. And they certainly deliver on this promise!

When he’s not needed in the kitchen, Viktor can often be seen at the tables in front of this tucked-away restaurant or hovering around the bar offering advice or conversation about the food and drink of his native Hungary. Having lived in Eastern Europe myself I can say that the best of the cuisine and beers are perfectly represented in Bohemia, whether you drop in for a delicious breakfast bagel topped with scrambled eggs and hollandaise sauce, a more substantial meal of stuffed schnitzel or goulash, or just want to try some of their expertly selected beers.

The menu evolves in complexity and variety as the day goes on but stays true to the restaurant’s European theme. The breakfasts served at the weekend combine the traditional bagel with a variety of accompaniments such as eggs, bacon, sausages, and much more if you’re feeling particularly hungry. There are simple lunchtime dishes; goulash, schnitzel, and salads or daily specials such as pastas. The evening choices, some of which are discounted during happy hour, include starters such as deep fried camembert which is crumbed with a crispy and crunchy coating served with csiki dipping sauce made from mayonnaise, beetroot, apple, onion and mushroom which complements the flavour of the cheese excellently. There are also the cevapcici skinless sausages which are well spiced and char grilled to give them an authentic flavour. The mains include a perfectly cooked half-duck with an abundance of moist meat and delicately flavoured crispy skin served with a heap of peasants’ mash and red cabbage and many signature stuffed schnitzels. The goulash is also perfectly prepared with a delicious creamy paprika sauce and Hungarian nokedli dumplings, and although the meat could have been of a higher quality I think this would have detracted from its authenticity!

To accompany these dishes is a selection from a drinks menu even longer than their food listing. This includes a good variety of wines and spirits (including several types of slivovitz, palinka, and absinthes) but it is in the choice of beers that this part of the menu really excels. On tap is Krusovice – a flavoursome Czech bitter lager, and Shofferhofer – an aromatic and fruity German wheat beer with undertones of banana. In addition to these are a large variety of bottled beers from all over Europe. Notable highlights include the multi award winning Krusovice Cerny for fans of a full flavoured dark beer, and Svijany, a classically produced Czech pilsner with no preservatives.

And if you have any room left after all that – a position I am yet to be in – I am told that the pancakes are pretty good as well!